Betwixt & Between

We're Like Fine Wine

2006-07-19T16:14:00.000-04:00

So another year older, Happy Birthday to MJY my Blog Twi n and to me. We're getting better with age. I hope you have had a great day and have an even better year.

I'm actually having a really nice day now, even though it didn't get off to a very rosy start. I just had a pedicure to make sure my toes look nice in my sexy gold sandals when I go out later tonight. There's a nice juicy steak and a glass (or 3!) of wine with my name on it.

About a year ago, Medusa challenged me to do a list of 100 things about myself. So I figure why not do it today when I have a genuine reason to make everything about me. :)

Here goes:

1. I love the rain when I’m in the house, warm and dry.
2. I don’t like to be outside in snow but love the way it looks it’s falling.
3. If I have a choice between reading a book and watching a movie based on a book, I’ll read the book first.
4. I still hate going to the dentist.
5. The yearly check-up at the gynaecologist still freaks me out.
6. I love to drive fast, I’m not reckless, but I do love speed.
7. I’m not scared of dying, but I am terrified of how I’ll die (memo to self: drive slower?).
8. Dishonesty, in any form, is the hardest thing for me to forgive.
9. I’m terrified of snakes.
10. I use swear words very rarely and when I do, it’s for shock value.
11. I’m a hopeless procrastinator.
12. I love working under pressure.
13. I try to believe the best of every person unless they give me a reason not to.
14. I learn something new about myself almost every day.
15. I am fiercely loyal to my friends and family.
16. I’ve loved looking at myself in the mirror since I was a child.
17. I love to show cleavage, if you’ve got it, flaunt it! Truth be told though, big boobs are overrated, I wouldn't mind smaller ones.
18. I believe everything that has happened in my life has happened for a reason, no accidents, no coincidences.
19. I believe in God, the Devil, in Heaven and Hell.
20. Although I tend to anger quickly, I never stay that way for long.
21. I don’t like to hold grudges, they only hurt me.
22. I’m not really sure what I want to be doing in the next 5 years.
23. I’m ok with that.
24. I’m addicted to telly. Currently my favourite channels are the Food Network and The Travel Channel.
25. I’ve come to love working out; exercise makes my body feel alive.
26. When I was younger I loved to write letters. I miss doing that. I’ve resolved I’m going to start doing it again.
27. I love to sing and I do it well.
28. A lot of people think I’m confident, but I’m actually terrified of appearing incompetent and try very hard not to.
29. I talk to myself a lot when I'm alone.
30. A hot new outfit is one of my favourite pick-me ups.
31. Until I got married, I thought multiple orgasms were ngano cia marimu (urban legend).
32. I used to write poetry, I’m not sure why I stopped.
33. I believe in happy endings and always hope for them even in the face of unfavourable odds yet I don't consider myself an optimist. Hmmm...strange.
34. I love to give gifts to people I care about for no reason, but don’t want people to make a big deal when they get them. Thank you is sufficient; I just love to do it.
35. I love to find the perfect gift for someone I care about.
36. I hate it when people forget my birthday – even a phone call or e-mail is fine, just don’t let it pass in silence.
37. Now that my hubby and I are not long-distance anymore, I’ve realised that I really don’t like e-mail; it’s a necessary evil.
38. I’ve been a victim of sexual assault and it took me a long time to realise it wasn’t my fault. I don’t think of myself as a victim anymore.
39. It might not endear me to many, but I always try to speak my mind and be as honest as I can without hurting anyone.
40. I love words and word games.
41. I love to travel; I plan on doing it more.
42. Routines drive me crazy, I crave excitement, spontaneity.
43. One day I hope to start a non-profit that mentors girls and young women (kind of like the Big Brother Big Sister or Girls Inc. programmes here in the U.S.).
44. Sometimes I underestimate my own capabilities, sometimes I overestimate; I’m still learning to find the balance.
45. I miss my family and friends in Kenya but living away from them has helped me grow up and redefine who I am on my own terms.
46. I detest authority that insists on being recognised; the “don’t-you-realise-I’m-in-charge?” attitude riles me.
47. Pretentious people amuse me, but mostly I feel sorry for them; it’s sad to be so afraid to show who you really are.
48. I can be very sarcastic and I’m not always happy about the things I say.
49. My relationship with God is in need of a tune-up.
50. I can roll my tongue.
51. It drives me crazy that I’m never able to raise only one eyebrow unless half my face is numb from novocaine.
52. I hate the word “minority” and all the connotations and assumptions that come with it.
53. Fire fascinates me; note to self – discuss possibility that I’m a repressed pyromaniac with therapist.
54. I love sunsets.
55. I’m nocturnal, being up alone when most people are asleep is cool.
56. I’m still a little scared of the dark
57. I’ve never been drunk, a little tipsy, but never drunk.
58. I love cats.
59. I sometimes think about getting a parrot for a pet, I think it would be cool to teach it to talk.
60. I’m a feminist who isn’t in support of abortion. But even though I wouldn’t have one, I don’t believe that any government has a right to tell a woman what she can and cannot do with her body. Her body, her choice.
61. The effect helium has on the voice amuses me
62. I have a very short attention span. I think if I went to school in the US as a child, someone would have tried to prescribe ADD medication for me. Ritalin anyone?
63. I hate taking medicine.
64. I’ve never forgotten the name of the first guy I had a crush on. His name was Martin and I was 7.
65. I can be very unpredictable and sometimes it’s frustrating for my dear Mr. K.
66. I hate sleeping alone. Whenever he’s away, I sleep with a huge bear he gave me.
67. My favourite food is a juicy steak, medium well – a bit charred on the outside with just a hint of pink on the inside. Yum!
68. If I had to go vegetarian for any reason, I think I’d go mad.
69. My favourite snack is warm milk and an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie or warm milk with a slice of homemade cake.
70. Pineapple is my favourite fruit.
71. I hate reading instructions/instruction manuals, so I figure it out by myself or I ask hubby dearest to explain stuff to me.
72. I miss having guy friends. Since I became Mrs. K, I’ve found it much harder to make friends with guys. Or maybe it’s ‘cause I’m not at home? Je ne sais pas.
73. I love to talk, can you tell?
74. I sleep on my stomach.
75. If I had to choose between doing what I love and making a tonne of cash doing something I don’t enjoy, I’d pick the former.
76. I eat my cereal with warm milk. This apparently seems to strike some as odd because I’ve had people tell me that they think it’s weird. One cannot imagine having one’s cereal any other way.
77. I hate alarm clocks; I prefer to be woken slowly by the sound of a noisy bird or by the sun shining through the window.
78. As a child, I thought it would be cool to break my hand so people could sign my cast; it never happened.
79. When I’m nervous, I tend to speak faster.
80. My capacity for the recollection of minutiae astounds me—it probably annoys others though.
81. I’m very detail oriented; life is in the details. (Read, I'm a little anal or have borderline OCD)
82. Most of the time I’m between 5 and 15 minutes late.
83. I possess the ambiguous talent of being able to sleep anywhere—I once fell asleep standing during a super-long choir practice in high school the night before a Music Festival.
84. I can sometimes be lazy.
85. When I decide I want something, I seldom fail to get it.
86. I love the smell of roasting garlic.
87. I love to cook and enjoy making things from scratch.
88. I don’t like being photographed, I like to be behind the camera instead.
89. I don’t suffer from insanity; actually I enjoy it.
90. The first word I could spell as a child was "bog" (don't ask) complete with three little black sausage-shapes to illustrate.
91. I don't feel my age, I feel younger.
92. I'm married to my best friend, the most special guy I know.
93. Sometimes I feel like I'm just pretending to be grown-up, that one of these days someone is going to arrest me for masquerading as a responsible adult.
94. This year I’m making a concerted effort to try more new things. Yesterday, yoga. Today, Jamaican jerk chicken pizza.
95. I have a loud laugh. When I think something is funny, I laugh with everything I've got, just like with everything else, I don't do it by halves.
96. I think I'm good at reading people, I find that I'm often accurate.
97. Growing up I wanted to be a lawyer; I sometimes think I still could (or should).
98. Other things I've wanted to be - criminal psychologist, radio show host, counselling psychologist, and sex therapist.
99. I'm not shy, I've never been.
100. My favourite cereal is Weetabix (yes, with warm milk); I've loved it since I was a child.

Hiatus

2006-07-12T13:35:00.000-04:00

Doctor's Note
Webster can help me explain where I've been. He's my equivalent of a doctor's note to be excused from swimming or P.E. (long story).

Hiatus
a : an interruption in time or continuity, a period when something (as a program or activity) is suspended or interrupted

Webster however can't fully explain why I've been there. For that, we need a therapist, or several and a whole lotta time!

To everyone who's stopped by periodically and said something, or not, thank you. And Medusa, thanks for being that incessant voice in my head (well, my ear) telling me to get back on the horse, ok, the computer.

At the risk of sounding like a wannabe Oscar, Emmy or other award winner...oh wait, too late!

The Real Reason
It’s been a crappy past few months. Oh heck, it’s been SHITTY! That’s the word. No room for pretentious political correctness. There are days when I felt so tightly wound that I knew that writing down how I felt would crumble my carefully crafted control to smithereens. So I’ve stayed away from my blog and inside my head because that’s been the safest space to unravel my thoughts and iron my mental creases.

In retrospect, maybe writing it all down would have helped but I needed to allow myself not to push, not to do anything I didn’t want to. It seems counterintuitive that I would stay away from something so freeing and which I love so much but it’s helped. Either that or I’m so far gone now I’m under the illusion that it’s all good. Now, where is that other bottle……

It's good to be back! I did miss the blog and the bloggers.

Comes The Dawn

2006-02-02T23:46:00.000-05:00

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that loving doesn’t mean leaning
And company isn’t security.
(Kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises.)

After a while you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
And the inevitable has a way of crumbling in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
If you stand too long in one place.

So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.
And you learn you really can endure,
That you really do have worth.
You learn that with every good-bye comes the dawn.
- Judith B. Evans

What employers wish they could say but can't (or won't)

2005-08-29T22:33:00.000-04:00

Some things get easier to deal with as we get older or as time goes by. Rejection isn't one of those things. I'm still looking for a job and recently I received a rejection letter in the mail. It was the standard response;

"Dear blah blah blah,
Thank you for your application. We regret blah blah blah et cetera et cetera blah blah blah."

Basically, they were saying they weren't interested in giving me a job. Rejection letters seem to be the same no matter who writes them. Some are a little nicer than others (if it's possible to be nice while telling someone to shove off) but for the most part they are the same.

To humour myself (and because really I have nothing better to do), I've drafted an alternative rejection letter. It says what potential employers probably want to say but are prevented from doing, either by the dictates of etiquette or the fear of a lawsuit.

Being unemployed, excuse me, in-between opportunities, and in the mood to disregard etiquette, here's my suggestion for a truthful rejection letter;

Dear Applicant,

Thanks for sending in your application. It provided us much needed
comic relief. We were rolling on the floor laughing by the time we
were done reading your letter and resume. Thank you for the
entertainment. Please note that as it was unsolicited, there shall be
no form of compensation provided to you. But thank you anyway.

Although this office is direly in need of humour, we currently have no
funds for such a position and unfortunately you are not qualified for
any other position. You didn't really think we'd offer you the job though,
did you? Thanks for the laugh.

Sincerely (and still in stitches),

Wennell Frizzizova,

Chairperson, Selection Committee.

Happy jobhunting and good luck to anyone else who's looking!

Lost in translation?

2005-08-20T21:25:00.000-04:00

Dubai Int'l Airport - I'll just use the "ladies toilet", thanks. Is there just one?

Hee! hee! Saw this sign on a cab window last week in Dallas. My cat fancies a cigar every now and then but i promise he'll behave, now may we ride in your cab?

The things from home I miss the most

2005-08-19T10:58:00.000-04:00

This week one of my best friends from Kenya came to visit. We had a ball but the downside of that is that now I'm really homesick. I miss Kenya. No, let me rephrase that; I miss the idea that I have of home, of Kenya. Do you ever get that feeling? You miss something so much and you build it up into this perfect thing and yet the perfection is all in your mind? That's how I feel. It's not hard to think of Kenya as the perfect place to be when one is in an unfamiliar, unfriendly place. I mean, at least in Kenya, no one would be referring to me as a (non-resident) alien.

Along with the idea of Kenya that I have in my mind, is the taste and smell of some things I haven't eaten, seen, smelt, tasted or heard in about a year, some longer. It might sound crazy or mundane but sometimes I have the oddest food and non-food longings. I miss:

1) Creamy toffee - the soft, sticky, gooey sweetness of creamy toffee in all it's different flavours. That's something I haven't tasted in years, but somehow recently I remembered it. I don't even think it exists anywhere except in my memory.
2) Goody goody - they used to be soft, then they became hard, but they were still pretty good. mmmm....I think this was my favourite sweet as I was growing up. Are they still in existence?
3)Kenchic chicken - chicken in the U.S. of A tastes like reconstituted chewing gum. Sure, lots of spices help, but the cure for my longing would be a whole kuku porno/kuku somersault right now.
4) Kenyan Chips/French Fries - yaani, I miss fresh cut french fries. I miss knowing that there is some unseen person in the kitchen working the potato peeler/chopper or cutting the waru (potatoes) by hand. The frozen, pre-cooked fries in most restaurants have caused this self-confessed fry addict to go cold turkey. I'm suffering withdrawal.
5) I miss going to tao and bumping into people I know.
6) I miss having a kiosk just down the road from the house which i could walk to and buy anything i realised i didn't have in the middle of dinner prep.
7) I miss the noise, hustle and bustle of tao on a normal day -- the hawkers selling their wares ("beba na fifty, fifty bob!" - buy for fifty shillings), the woman who sits outside stanchart, opposite nando's, yelling, "nipe shiringi!", the matatu manambas yelling for passengers..., the boom twaff of their (mostly awful) music.
8) I miss Kenyan radio--there was stuff i could relate to. here, i don't even listen to radio anymore except for NPR and BBC online.
9) I miss cheap, fresh produce. Cheap 'cause all I needed to do was go visit mathee for the weekend and she would unleash maize, onions, tomatoes, potatoes - uchumi kando!
10) I miss, and I can't believe I am saying this please hit me over the head hard now, being called "auntie" and "siste". Somehow "ma'am" just doesn't have quite the same ring.
11) I miss the open nature of Kenyans. When people can't stand your guts, they don't pretend. They may not say it to your face outright lakini they don't smile at you and shake your hand, and pretend to laugh at your jokes so you don't think they are racist and sue their arse!
12) I miss guilt-free decisions about whether to tip at restaurants or not. The decision was influenced solely by the quality of the service not by the 10% or more rule. (P.S. - guilt doesn't mean that I tip just because it's expected)
13) I miss having my hair done every week because it was so cheap. Speaking of hair, I miss being able to braid my hair without it costing me the equivalent of a whole month's worth of lunches.
14) Two words; nyama choma.

If you are away, what do you miss the most about home? And if you are at home, what do you think you would miss the most if you left?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

2005-07-19T11:54:00.000-04:00

And my twin MJY!! Please visit her and send her lots of birthday wishes (even though she had a head start on celebrating this day since she's a few hours ahead!)

It's that time of the year again (I LOVE IT!!!!) when I don't have to pretend to be modest and everything can be about me! I'm grateful for a wonderful year that's made me an even better person (hey, I said no modesty). A better friend, wife, daughter and sister and I believe overall a better human being.

I'm grateful for a wonderful family, loving friends and a FANTASTIC hubby. Most of all, I'm just grateful to be alive and healthy in a beautiful body. Thank you Lord.

'78 was a very good year.

Picture a raised champagne glass here:
Here's to love, life and celebrating many more birthdays!!!

I'm off to enjoy the rest of this glorious day. I'm preparing my stomach to enjoy the delights of non-stop meat service at a Brazillian steakhouse later this evening. My mouth is already watering.

It's a girl!

2005-07-07T01:31:00.000-04:00

So now we know, all the speculation about whether Angelina Jolie is pregnant or not can end. The baby stuff shopping spree at Harrods was for Zahara Marley Jolie, the Ethiopian orphan she adopted.

Ordinarily I don't care for celebrity gossip, but this story caught my attention because of the reason Jolie gave for adopting the little girl. She's quoted as saying, "My son is in love with Africa, so he has been asking for an African brother or sister." WTH?? Can anyone say COMMODIFICATION ? Suddenly all things Africa(n) including babies it seems, are Hollywood's new "must have" along with Prada, Dior and _______ (insert obscenely priced designer here). Maddox, Jolie's son wanted a little African brother or sister so he got one, Oprah wanted a South African accent so she got a DNA test that showed she has Zulu Heritage, nice. Not! Sure, Angelina Jolie's work with UNHCR as a goodwill ambassador is noble as are all the charitable efforts made by other stars. But you'll excuse me if I don't break out the Dom Perignon just yet. What happens when Africa is no longer cool, or hip? When the attention of the stars moves on to other places? We'll still be here, you and I, left behind in a cloud of expensive scents and even more expensive promises, many still unfulfilled. At the end of the day, the solutions to our problems as a continent, must come from and be implemented by us.

I hope Zahara has a happy life. Really. One just can't help being cynical at the recent obsession with Africa, you would think our continent only recently began experiencing famine, wars and disease. I can't help wondering just how long this interest will last in the face of all the challenges that must be overcome in order for Africa as a whole to flourish.

I could try and explain my distaste even further but M does so far better than I can in 2 posts on Live 8 somewhat related to my own rant.

It's the heat

2005-07-06T17:44:00.000-04:00

I know I've been away a while, and I miss everyone but seriously I'm just feeling very dry right now. It's the heat and humidity that's causing my brain to fry. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! Let me go find some inspiration, I will be back (said with a bad Terminator accent).

Sex

2005-06-23T07:56:00.000-04:00

Did that make anyone uncomfortable? What entered your mind? I'm of the opinion that as a society, us Kenyans can be rather prudish. How many people including you, do you know who got "the talk" from their parents? I never did, despite the fact that my mum was a health professional who probably talked to dozens of strangers about sex, birth control etc. every single day.

The argument is made by many that sex is a private thing and so it should only be discussed in private. Fair enough. I'm not suggesting that dinner time conversation and chats on public transportation all turn into lively (or not) sex discussions. What I am doing though is questioning our urge to talk about sex in whispers or not at all, our urge to act as though we don't do it even though the evidence is all around us.

Remember when there was a big hue and cry when it was suggested that sex education be taught in schools? No, our children, our youth will become promiscuous. That's funny (in the way that banging your elbow and hitting your funny bone is funny) because "our children" are more promiscuous now and we still won't talk about sex.

If talking about sex, "good" sex (good defining not the sex itself but consensual sex) isn't something we do, then don't be amazed when little girls don't tell about "bad sex", don't tell about Uncle X or Mr. Y doing things to them. If we are unwilling to discuss consensual sex then I imagine that we are far less willing to discuss the perversion of sex - incest, child molestation, rape. Because if we talk about one openly then we will have no choice but to talk about the other one.

I'm not asking for gory details, I'm just advocating for the creation of a more open environment. An environment where people aren't so repressed. I mean it's pretty obvious we are having sex--our huge population is testament to that--so can we please stop ignoring the elephant in the middle of our living room?

Let's talk about s-e-x. When children ask questions, let them not be met with stony silence or responses like "ask your mother" or "look it up in the encyclopaedia" or "where did you learn that word?"

I'm doing a poll, how many Kenyan's parents talked with them openly and honestly about the birds and the bees? How old were you? How did you feel then? And now, are you glad that they did? And if they didn't, how do you feel about it now?

The sum of my life

2005-06-22T19:22:00.000-04:00

Is it just me or is a resume/C.V. innately depressing? You see I am now officially looking for a job and I have to update the aforementioned document. The thing is though, I can't say that I relish seeing my life summarised on just a few pages. It leads to questions about whether I've done enough, or whether I am enough. Should I have done more by now? Will a potential employer think I am worth a first interview, a second, a job offer? What if they don't?

Yes, I now confess why I enjoy being a student--I don't have to reduce my life to my educational achievements and experience, or my professional skills summed up on paper, in a format I don't care for, to be read by someone who probably doesn't give a hoot. And oh, don't forget the 100% 24lb cotton paper!

There's more to me than what you see, on the pages of my C.V. Do you think I could just put that on it and get the job? Just a thought.

Don't bottle it up!

2005-06-16T22:08:00.000-04:00

There's a method to my madness. I know I'm unconventional--a.k.a flat out insane--but that's not all bad, there is indeed something to be said for voicing my opinion and saying (sometimes shouting, I admit) how I feel when I'm ticked off. Especially when arguing with hubby dearest.

I came across the following article in Real Simple (July 2005), a magazine I enjoy:

Speak Your Mind (Your Body Will Thank You)
Whoever said silence is golden had it all wrong--at least when it comes to arguing with your husband. It's not just bad for your self-esteem to hold back from expressing yourself; it can also take years off your life. Examining data from a 10-year follow-up of 3, 682 participants in the Framingham Offspring Study, researchers found that women who habitually held their tongues in conflicts with their spouses were four times more likely to die during that follow-up period than those who spoke up. These findings, from Boston University researchers in collaboration with epidemiologist and principal investigator Elaine Eaker, were reported in Circulation, the journal of the American Heart Association.
The cause may be the stress that comes from suppressing emotions, suggests New York City cardiologist Nieca Goldberg, a spokesperson for the American Heart Association and the author of Women Are Not Small Men (Ballantine, $16): "Women may smile and say everything is Ok, but inside their blood is boiling, which raises the levels of stress hormones." These hormones (among them cortisol, norepinephrine, and epinephrine) can, in turn, lead to the development of coronary heart disease. Goldberg's advice? Speak up--and seek help if you have a hard time doing so--because a heavy heart is not a healthy heart.

Ok, there you have it, I hope I remember this the next time I feel guilty for getting in an argument with the hubby. Hey, it's good for my heart. Go speak your mind!!! (But don't break anything, or anyone).

Random Ruminations

2005-06-13T18:13:00.000-04:00

I've been away from my blog for far too long. Bad girl! But here I am. Too much has been going on but I have established one thing--I can't give up blogging and reading blogs esp. the Kenyan blogs. So here I am for my fix.

I've been working on a project that I needed to finish--my thesis. At my school, as long as you are done with course work and are writing your thesis you can take part in the graduation ceremony. I had been procrastinating completion of this monster but I realised the brown smelly stuff had hit the fan and I just had to be done. So since wg-k's last entry, the eyes have been glued to the screen and fingers to the keyboard

The reasons for procrastination are complex and varied but that anti-climactic feeling of being done could be one of them. Seriously. I mean for weeks, all I've done is eat, breathe, think, dream my thesis. Spitzack, Butler and many others are so ingrained in my mind, I think I will be reciting them from memory for the next few years. But now that my thesis is complete, there's nothing--I've been hurtling toward this big finish and ........ZIP! Nada! Nothing! Zilch! The thing that has defined me for the last few months is no longer there....sad. Now I have to find a new identity as I can no longer claim grad-student-in-throes-of-thesis-writing status.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm done and I know my hubby is glad to have his wife back--I think he was beginning to think of me more as his roommate, if you get my drift--I just never anticipated that the feeling of being done would be as blah as this. Welcome to the real world shugahh!

I have 10 more days of vacation left before I start teaching in the second summer session. I'm pretty sure that will inspire lots of blog entries. Students here constantly surprise me--and not with their amazing acumen--but that's a post for another day. At least it's a paycheque.

Oh No! I've been tagged

2005-05-25T09:57:00.000-04:00

I wondered when I would be a victim of tagging, well it has finally happened thanks to Lil' Nicky. He recently blogged about memories of primary school and this tag brings back such memories. Does anyone remember some things called "Slam Books" that we passed around for our classmates to sign with categories like favourite girl/girls, favourite guy/guys, favourite food, favourite movies, etc.? Any ex-Patch Primarians out there? :)

1. Total number of films I own on dvd/video: About 30. Thanks to Netflix and Movies on Demand on cable, I just rarely buy movies anymore.

2. The last film I bought: Not sure, lemme name the last one that my hubby bought me (that has to count--two become one and all that)-- Out of Time.

3.The last film I watched: On TV, Breakin' All the Rules (that Morris Chestnut is fiiiiiiiiiine) and movie theatre, Robots (watched this at an IMAX theatre - NICE).

I have to claw and add my own sub-section here; movies I plan on watching soon--like in the next couple of weeks;
at the theatre--Monster-in-Law, Crash and Star Wars.
next four on our Netflix list-- The Final Cut, Shark Tale, Lost in Translation and Spanglish

4.Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me: aieee, only 5? ok, i'll try...

Lord of the Rings
Message in a bottle
Hotel Rwanda (can't watch this a lot but it means a lot to me, I got several people (in a class I was taking at the time it came out) to watch it. Some of them finally began to get on a small level why I got so pissed off during class discussions about the ignorant and/or arrogant and cavalier attitude(s) to war and disaster in Africa. The class was on families and disasters and the Prof. actually gave an optional assignment which many did, to write a reaction paper on the movie.
Four Weddings and a Funeral (my favourite part is the poem that's recited at the funeral, always brings tears to my eyes).
Real Women have Curves

Ok, I'll stop here but I could have gone on, and on, and on....(remember the energizer bunny)

5. Tag five people and have them put this in their journal: I really didn't enjoy being tagged but I know I have to keep it going.... so I will tag BT, Medusa, Ms. K, Thinker and Akiey. Chako! (Blame Nick for reminding me about chako and for you being tagged)

Home-grown Perverts

2005-05-24T09:14:00.000-04:00

I read this on the editorial page of the Daily Nation and was shurprised (shocked and surprised). The individual who wrote the letter claims that tourism/tourists and the internet have led to the deterioration of the social and moral fabric in our society leading to the sexual exploitation of children. The writer speculates that "some perverts" move to Kenya to avoid punishment or restrictions in their home countries.

When I was about 10 years old, I went to the ASK show in Nairobi with one of my older sisters. While we were there I had a go on the bouncing castle-tons of fun. On leaving the castle however, the attendant at the entrance groped my chest, touching one of my bee-sting sized breasts! I hurled an insult at him and ran off to tell my sister, he just laughed at me. Home-grown pervert #1.

A friend of my parents, seperated from his wife for years, once tried to touch me and hug me when we were alone at his house. I remember just moving away from him and trying to act normal but knowing in my gut that there was something very wrong with what he had tried to do. It was the way he acted, nervous and funny. Even as a child I picked up on those weird vibes. Homegrown pervert #2.

Farmgal shared 3 stories of similar experiences back in Kenya. Home-grown perverts #3,4 and 5. I could go on telling and re-telling to prove my point but I think you get the idea. That's why that letter in the Nation irked me so much. I know it was an opinion, and that's just one person, but how many more people have that same attitude?

People want to pretend that the sexual abuse of children is something that tourists-euphemism for white-have brought with them from "their countries" to Kenya. Huh?! Just what we need, a more evolved form of the common "devil made me do it" excuse.

Wake up and smell the arabica and robusta people! We have our own home-made, home-grown Kenyan perverts. Until we are willing to admit that and stop pointing fingers, then the sexual exploitation of children will continue. Doing something about this extremely disturbing problem requires us to to confront the dirty truth-we have perverts among us and they look just like us. They didn't come off a plane, they live in our neighbourhoods, teach in our schools and we trust them with our children.

I am willing to admit that there probably are visitors to Kenya who are perverts with one agenda but I wouldn't say that tourist and pervert are synonymous, far from it. This view just encourages us to continue playing ostrich, burying our heads in the sand, and thinking of this as a problem caused by someone else. We need to take responsibility and find a way to fix this.

Even More Words

2005-05-19T09:57:00.000-04:00

OK, I'm busted, I am a word nut. I love Scrabble and any other activity which requires playing with words. So when a friend sent me an e-mail with this list from the Washington Post I had to put it here.

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Intaxication (n): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation (adj): Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Foreploy (n): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (adj): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti (adj): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm (adj): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. (I LOVE this one!)
8. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis (adj): Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis (adj): A degenerate's disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon (adj): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido (n): All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect (adj): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, it gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
18. Ignoranus (adj): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Favourite words not in the dictionary

2005-05-17T10:39:00.000-04:00

I found this list and I thought it was hilarious! I think it's a compilation from previous years. This year, the list is:

ginormous (adj): bigger than gigantic and bigger than enormous
confuzzled (adj): confused and puzzled at the same time
woot (interj): an exclamation of joy or excitement
chillax (v): chill out/relax, hang out with friends
cognitive displaysia (n): the feeling you have before you even leave the house that you are going to forget something and not remember it until you're on the highway
gription (n): the purchase gained by friction: "My car needs new tires because the old ones have lost their gription."
phonecrastinate (v): to put off answering the phone until caller ID displays the incoming name and number
slickery (adj): having a surface that is wet and icy
snirt (n): snow that is dirty, often seen by the side of roads and parking lots that have been plowed
lingweenie (n): a person incapable of producing neologisms

(http://www.nbc17.com/news/4494431/detail.html)

I'm trying to think of the ones I heard, used or made up with friends in Kenya;

errambassed (adj): embarrassed
disobellion (n): a shocking combination of disobedience and rebellion (you had to have been there!)
(insert swahili word here)-ring (can be a v, n or adj): addition of -ring to swahili words to emphasise a point, for example, "stop wekelearing us"(stop putting the blame on us) or "he was somearing me for being late" (he told me off for being late).
riswah (v): used to chastise or rebuke evil or naughty thoughts and actions. For example, Whenever Kamau flirts with me, I laugh and then say, "Riswah! Don't you know I'm a married woman?" Also used to make fun of people who claim to speak in tongues but actually utter jibberish
sheathen (n): the feminine of heathen
R.S.V.P (n): not French for "please respond", stands for "Rice and Stew Very Plenty" in reference to wedding receptions.
clawer (adj): an individual who forces themselves into others lives and plans without invitation, also poxer or jipoxer

Ok, I will stop here, but please feel free to add more to the list. This gave me a good laugh and brought back some good memories. I actually enjoy doing lists, I think I shall do another soon.

Humble Pie

2005-05-16T23:49:00.000-04:00

Lord, make my words sweet and tender for tomorrow I may have to eat them.

I don't know who said these words, but did they ever hit the nail on the head! Have you ever been pissed off with someone and you let them know, sparing no feelings, you just let them (and anyone else within earshot) know? I do that sometimes 'cause I'm a yeller. I lose my temper quickly and easily but I never stay angry for long. When I'm mad though, I have learnt that I have a tendency to say things I don't mean. So I have tried to tame my tongue but sometimes it still gets the better of me. This evening wg-k lost the match to the tongue and the object of wrath was my dearest hubby.

I was mad, I was sad, I was overwhelmed...I don't know why I couldn't just explain that. Instead I ranted and raved about everything. The funny thing is, as I was being so unreasonable it was almost like I was watching myself from outside my body. And I did not like what I saw. I was being a complete ass (as in donkey, not derriere).

As soon as I calmed down, I realised how unreasonable I had been. It wasn't that I had no reason to be mad, but I had no reason, or right for that matter, to talk to #1 like that. So we talked and he told me how he felt and I ate my words accompanied by a hulking helping of humble pie.

I love you baby...I'm sorry. Really. I know that I'm sorry isn't enough but I don't know how else to express the regret I feel for acting like that. Forgive me?

Class of 2005

2005-05-14T07:38:00.000-04:00

I graduate today and will now "have the power to read" (and to quote Mo1, "and do all that apperdains to this tigiri"). What does the power to read mean? What was I doing since before I started nursery school? Someone should have told me that I didn't have the power then, 'cause really wg-k could not be torn away from her precious Peter and Jane, and that book about Mr. Kamau's bus (what was it called?), Kaka Sungura, The Hare and the Tortoise.... lol. I'm still a book addict and at least that's one addiction that's not harmful to anything except maybe my bank account! (thank God for well stocked libraries and most of all for Amazon.com!)

So anyway, I'm sitting here trying to remember how I felt at my first graduation because this one scares the crap out of me. I'm expected to know more, do more....most of all, I have to get a real job and be like a grown-up and everything. Drat!

I asked myself (yes, I admit that I talk with and to myself often, it's quite enlightening!) why I was so scared about this milestone and I realised why. One word; expectations. I thought initially that I was afraid that others would expect more from me, mum, dad, siblings, hubby, friends... but the only person weighing me down with mega-expectations is wg-k herself. There's nothing wrong with believing in yourself and in your own abilities, but it is a problem if those beliefs and expectations are so great that all they do is exert constant pressure, never allowing any room for mistakes, demanding the absence of any kind of imperfection.

Here's to belief in my own strengths and abilities
Here's to the acceptance of the fact that, gasp, I sometimes might fail
Here's to looking at failure as the flavour that sweetens my next success
Here's to the Class of 2005

wg-k, M.A. (Next is PhD - Permanent Head Damage!)

Self-inflicted injury

2005-05-13T01:04:00.000-04:00

The old addage, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is one I disagree with, some of my deepest wounds have been caused by the words of others. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I also have wounds which I have inflicted on myself with my words. Beating myself up for a mistake- "you're such an idiot, you should have known better" or chastising myself for wanting dessert- "you're so greedy, it's not like you need to eat any more food." Often I've been cruelest standing naked in front of the mirror; "you have such a huge arse, and those hips!"

I'm sad to say that not a day goes by that I don't hear a woman say stuff like that about herself, her body. "I've put on so much weight, I'm so fat."

Words, are strange things, say them long enough and they take on a life of their own and pretty soon you believe them. And if they're wounding words, then every time they're said, it's like sticking a knife into the gut of a person's self-worth.

I'm done hurting myself with my own words; I will not tear myself down anymore-there are enough people who probably want to do that, they don't need my help.

homage to my hips

these hips are big hips
they need space to
move around in
they don't fit into little
petty places. these hips
are free hips
they don't like to be held back.
these hips have never been enslaved,
they go where they want to go
they do what they want to do.
these hips are mighty hips.
these hips are magic hips.
i have known them
to put a spell on a man and
spin him like a top!

~ Lucille Clifton ~

Mama Nani

2005-05-06T21:27:00.000-04:00

I'll be 27 this July and I'm finally at the point in my life where I'm happy with who I am. I love me, I love my life.... One thing has been bothering me lately though; I'm not sure I want children. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, I have nephews and nieces and I love them to pieces (hey, that rhymes!) but I'm not sure that I want to have a child of my own, and become Mama "Nani".

I guess that's one of the things I don't miss about being in Kenya with our families close by. Because by now the pressure would have been on me and my dear hubby to "name" our relas. For now we're safe since we don't see them often and there usually isn't enough time to really get into the subject.

I know it doesn't make me a bad person but there's a part of me that can't help feeling like I'm doing something wrong by saying I don't really think I want a child... Plus, I think if we were to have a baby, I'd want a little girl but the thought that we'd have to name her after my mum-in-law.....eh, that's a post for another day.

About mother's-in-law I will say this, you know those horror stories and stereotypes you hear about? There's no smoke without a fire.

Mummy

2005-05-06T15:02:00.000-04:00

It's mother's day this sunday (though really shouldn't it be mother's day all the time?). Where was I? Oh, mother's day this Sunday... So, I borrow this idea to pay tribute to my mother from Afrofeminista.

My mummy

still calls me her baby even though I am now married
never treated my sisters and my brother any differently, we all cooked, did dishes etc.
makes all her food from scratch and taught me to do the same.
taught me to make great tasting fresh pineapple juice from pineapple peels - seriously, like i just said, see #4.
has the most amazingly unshakeable faith and trust in God. Maybe one day when I grow up...
is great at keeping secrets
is a good judge of character - that guy i was so into when i was 18 really was a creep, no wonder she didn't like him!
believes the best of most people - until and unless you give her a reason to do otherwise. Refer to # 8.
is extremely forgiving, no matter how much she's been wronged.
has a heart of pure gold-ok,it's not hard and shiny, but you know what I mean.
always made me my favourite food when I was sick.
still makes me my favourite things to eat whenever I go home to visit. Eh, can you tell I like food? :)
always puts family first.
has made more sacrifices for me than I can count.
never expects anything in return for everything she does.
is the most dependable person I know.
is the most hardworking person I've ever met
instilled values in me that have made me who I am today, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.
is superwoman. Seriously. She juggled all her roles without ever dropping the ball. Plus, she's been married to my dad, with all his quirks for more than 40 years.....need i say more?
has a great sense of humour, she's great at making me laugh.
hasn't put any pressure on me or made any hints about having children in the 3 years I've been married. (which is a lot more than I can say for other people, who are not even family! sheesh!)
keeps recipes in her head and measures with her eye - forget asking her to write down that recipe for this or the other, she has to show you how to do it.
gave me her love for new clothes and shoes!
is never embarassed to admit it when she doesn't know something.
may not be perfect, but she really is the only one I've got!!

Like many women I know, I've had my domez with my mum especially when I was a teenager but as I've gotten older, I've come to appreciate her so much more. To my mum and all the other amazing mums out there....

Mgeni

2005-05-04T18:47:00.000-04:00

This is my first blog and my first blog entry. Truly there's a first time for everything. I'm excited but I'm scared. I had all these brilliant (or so I thought) things to say and now they've disappeared. I've been trying to find blog names that weren't already taken for days!! Now I finally found one and my well of inspired thoughts has run dry. Haiya! Nitajikaza kisabuni, my inspiration will return.