Monday, August 29, 2005

What employers wish they could say but can't (or won't)

Some things get easier to deal with as we get older or as time goes by. Rejection isn't one of those things. I'm still looking for a job and recently I received a rejection letter in the mail. It was the standard response;

"Dear blah blah blah,
Thank you for your application. We regret blah blah blah et cetera et cetera blah blah blah."

Basically, they were saying they weren't interested in giving me a job. Rejection letters seem to be the same no matter who writes them. Some are a little nicer than others (if it's possible to be nice while telling someone to shove off) but for the most part they are the same.

To humour myself (and because really I have nothing better to do), I've drafted an alternative rejection letter. It says what potential employers probably want to say but are prevented from doing, either by the dictates of etiquette or the fear of a lawsuit.

Being unemployed, excuse me, in-between opportunities, and in the mood to disregard etiquette, here's my suggestion for a truthful rejection letter;

Dear Applicant,

Thanks for sending in your application. It provided us much needed
comic relief. We were rolling on the floor laughing by the time we
were done reading your letter and resume. Thank you for the
entertainment. Please note that as it was unsolicited, there shall be
no form of compensation provided to you. But thank you anyway.

Although this office is direly in need of humour, we currently have no
funds for such a position and unfortunately you are not qualified for
any other position. You didn't really think we'd offer you the job though,
did you? Thanks for the laugh.

Sincerely (and still in stitches),

Wennell Frizzizova,

Chairperson, Selection Committee.


Happy jobhunting and good luck to anyone else who's looking!

7 Comments:

Blogger akiey said...

wg-k, You're the first KBW am visiting since my return & what a way to start!?lol!!
Yes, turning situations around always feels good. Wish you well in your job search. Smth will come up.
Thanks to you for this tired, cracky smile on my face!! I sure needed a post like this today.

Monday, August 29, 2005 11:57:00 pm  
Blogger Milonare said...

Hihihihi

When hell freezes over... Nice touch...

Hihihihi

Wishing you all the best in the hunt!!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005 6:41:00 am  
Blogger Prousette said...

Nice will use it one day when I become and employer
All the best in your hunt you WILL get something.

Thursday, September 01, 2005 4:44:00 am  
Blogger gishungwa said...

am job hunting and wishing you all the best in your search.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005 4:42:00 am  
Blogger irena said...

Ha!ha!, that is so interesting and so true too.I wish I could do it:-)))

Tuesday, September 13, 2005 11:04:00 am  
Blogger Adrian said...

i'm also in the process of looking for a new jobo...

wish you all the best!!

Monday, September 26, 2005 5:04:00 am  
Blogger WM said...

"In between opportunities"
"When hell freezes over"
I am undone! I laughed so hard I had to call my friends and read the letter out to them (this was not very politic as some of them are, um, b/twn opportunities at the moment." But how gloriously wonderfully funny! Oh, I'm going to forward this to everyone!

Thursday, February 02, 2006 8:55:00 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home