Sex

Did that make anyone uncomfortable? What entered your mind? I'm of the opinion that as a society, us Kenyans can be rather prudish. How many people including you, do you know who got "the talk" from their parents? I never did, despite the fact that my mum was a health professional who probably talked to dozens of strangers about sex, birth control etc. every single day.

The argument is made by many that sex is a private thing and so it should only be discussed in private. Fair enough. I'm not suggesting that dinner time conversation and chats on public transportation all turn into lively (or not) sex discussions. What I am doing though is questioning our urge to talk about sex in whispers or not at all, our urge to act as though we don't do it even though the evidence is all around us.

Remember when there was a big hue and cry when it was suggested that sex education be taught in schools? No, our children, our youth will become promiscuous. That's funny (in the way that banging your elbow and hitting your funny bone is funny) because "our children" are more promiscuous now and we still won't talk about sex.

If talking about sex, "good" sex (good defining not the sex itself but consensual sex) isn't something we do, then don't be amazed when little girls don't tell about "bad sex", don't tell about Uncle X or Mr. Y doing things to them. If we are unwilling to discuss consensual sex then I imagine that we are far less willing to discuss the perversion of sex - incest, child molestation, rape. Because if we talk about one openly then we will have no choice but to talk about the other one.

I'm not asking for gory details, I'm just advocating for the creation of a more open environment. An environment where people aren't so repressed. I mean it's pretty obvious we are having sex--our huge population is testament to that--so can we please stop ignoring the elephant in the middle of our living room?

Let's talk about s-e-x. When children ask questions, let them not be met with stony silence or responses like "ask your mother" or "look it up in the encyclopaedia" or "where did you learn that word?"

I'm doing a poll, how many Kenyan's parents talked with them openly and honestly about the birds and the bees? How old were you? How did you feel then? And now, are you glad that they did? And if they didn't, how do you feel about it now?

The sum of my life

Is it just me or is a resume/C.V. innately depressing? You see I am now officially looking for a job and I have to update the aforementioned document. The thing is though, I can't say that I relish seeing my life summarised on just a few pages. It leads to questions about whether I've done enough, or whether I am enough. Should I have done more by now? Will a potential employer think I am worth a first interview, a second, a job offer? What if they don't?

Yes, I now confess why I enjoy being a student--I don't have to reduce my life to my educational achievements and experience, or my professional skills summed up on paper, in a format I don't care for, to be read by someone who probably doesn't give a hoot. And oh, don't forget the 100% 24lb cotton paper!

There's more to me than what you see, on the pages of my C.V. Do you think I could just put that on it and get the job? Just a thought.

Don't bottle it up!

There's a method to my madness. I know I'm unconventional--a.k.a flat out insane--but that's not all bad, there is indeed something to be said for voicing my opinion and saying (sometimes shouting, I admit) how I feel when I'm ticked off. Especially when arguing with hubby dearest.

I came across the following article in Real Simple (July 2005), a magazine I enjoy:

Speak Your Mind (Your Body Will Thank You)
Whoever said silence is golden had it all wrong--at least when it comes to arguing with your husband. It's not just bad for your self-esteem to hold back from expressing yourself; it can also take years off your life. Examining data from a 10-year follow-up of 3, 682 participants in the Framingham Offspring Study, researchers found that women who habitually held their tongues in conflicts with their spouses were four times more likely to die during that follow-up period than those who spoke up. These findings, from Boston University researchers in collaboration with epidemiologist and principal investigator Elaine Eaker, were reported in Circulation, the journal of the American Heart Association.
The cause may be the stress that comes from suppressing emotions, suggests New York City cardiologist Nieca Goldberg, a spokesperson for the American Heart Association and the author of Women Are Not Small Men (Ballantine, $16): "Women may smile and say everything is Ok, but inside their blood is boiling, which raises the levels of stress hormones." These hormones (among them cortisol, norepinephrine, and epinephrine) can, in turn, lead to the development of coronary heart disease. Goldberg's advice? Speak up--and seek help if you have a hard time doing so--because a heavy heart is not a healthy heart.



Ok, there you have it, I hope I remember this the next time I feel guilty for getting in an argument with the hubby. Hey, it's good for my heart. Go speak your mind!!! (But don't break anything, or anyone).

Random Ruminations

I've been away from my blog for far too long. Bad girl! But here I am. Too much has been going on but I have established one thing--I can't give up blogging and reading blogs esp. the Kenyan blogs. So here I am for my fix.

I've been working on a project that I needed to finish--my thesis. At my school, as long as you are done with course work and are writing your thesis you can take part in the graduation ceremony. I had been procrastinating completion of this monster but I realised the brown smelly stuff had hit the fan and I just had to be done. So since wg-k's last entry, the eyes have been glued to the screen and fingers to the keyboard

The reasons for procrastination are complex and varied but that anti-climactic feeling of being done could be one of them. Seriously. I mean for weeks, all I've done is eat, breathe, think, dream my thesis. Spitzack, Butler and many others are so ingrained in my mind, I think I will be reciting them from memory for the next few years. But now that my thesis is complete, there's nothing--I've been hurtling toward this big finish and ........ZIP! Nada! Nothing! Zilch! The thing that has defined me for the last few months is no longer there....sad. Now I have to find a new identity as I can no longer claim grad-student-in-throes-of-thesis-writing status.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm done and I know my hubby is glad to have his wife back--I think he was beginning to think of me more as his roommate, if you get my drift--I just never anticipated that the feeling of being done would be as blah as this. Welcome to the real world shugahh!

I have 10 more days of vacation left before I start teaching in the second summer session. I'm pretty sure that will inspire lots of blog entries. Students here constantly surprise me--and not with their amazing acumen--but that's a post for another day. At least it's a paycheque.